Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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