I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize