i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
