I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
