I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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