hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
