'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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