6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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