It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
