Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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