You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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