so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
