Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
