I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
