ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
