WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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