My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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