I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
