my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
