He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
