And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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