Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Let's get the cat blown out
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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