You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
