Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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