for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
