John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
