God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
