Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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