In the future we'll all be gay
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
