So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
