I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
