i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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