If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
