I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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