how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize