I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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