Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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