Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He shit in the fireplace
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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