So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
