Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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