Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
