There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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