I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
