Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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