somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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