you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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