He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
