3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
