Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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