So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
