Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
