Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
