you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
