He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
