That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
