Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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