so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
