it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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