I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
