the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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