Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
