First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
