haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
