I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
