do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
