I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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