He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
