It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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