Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
