the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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