haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
