she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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