I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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